January 9, 2012 is a day that I like to pretend does not exist. That’s the day I will become a working mom. I will leave Caroline every day in the care of a wonderful nanny and it absolutely breaks my heart. So much so that I’ll admit, I am having trouble writing this post without crying. Oh, I can’t lie to you. I am crying.
I know that our situation is in no way unique to us, almost all of my friends are working moms. Caroline will thrive and be a happy child even though I am not home with her full time. But wow, that mom guilt is real, isn’t it?
In an ideal world, I would work out of my house full time and take care of Caroline, but we don’t live in an ideal world. Instead, I have an employer who has been more than generous with maternity leave and is allowing me to work from home two days a week and to change my hours so I can leave earlier in the day. I am so fortunate not only to have a job, but to have the job and coworkers that I do.
Thinking about January 9 makes me incredibly sad, so instead of focusing on the negative, I will focus on the positive of the next month and 8 days. I will appreciate every second I have with Caroline, even when she wakes me up at 4 am not to eat but to play. I won’t count down the days.
When January 9 comes along, I will do more to make sure she knows how much I love her, even though I won’t be with her all day. I will remember that I am lucky to have spent the first 22 weeks of Caroline’s life with her. And I will look forward, every day, to the moment I get home and see my smiley, giggly girl.
Working mamas, help me out. What advice can you offer to make going back to work a little easier?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Being a working mom is difficult, but seeing your little girl get so excited when you walk through the door after work is also such an amazing feeling becuase you know that even though she is still so young she knows who you are and that you are her everything
Enjoy this last month and Caroline's first Christmas! 
Thank you, Heather!
You made your mother cry!
Sorry, mom!
I am not [yet] a mom, but I just have to say your daughter is absolutely adorable! Also, I think all the time about the concept of leaving a new baby at home eventually, so it really helps me to read your blog, and journey as I prepare for this myself someday! Thank you!
Aw, thank you so much–we think she\’s pretty adorable too
Thanks for reading, I\’m glad you enjoy it!
I think that being a working mom has got to be one of the hardest things in life — constantly feeling pulled in the opposite direction! But being a good role model for Caroline (even as she's little!) about doing what's right for you and for your family is the best for everyone involved. When I was little, my Dad stayed home with us and went to grad school while my mom worked!
Thanks, Chase
I'm JUST returning to work (this is week three). It is incredibly hard…but totally doable
What has helped for me…is to not expect myself to be superwomen. I'm slowly getting into the swing of things at work and take breaks absolutely anytime I feel I need it. I refuse to concern myself with meeting everyone elses expectations. I will do each day what I can and not worry about the rest. I also let myself be sad if needed…letting it out seems to make me come back feeling that much better. 
I've also alloted myself "me" time. I get up early, leave my daughter with my husband and workout. Seems crazy to voluntarily add even more time away from my daughter…but honestly, it has been the key to keeping myself sane and being able to focus at work.
Good Luck and enjoy the rest of your time off!!!
Jen
This is really helpful, thank you, Jen! I\’ve been trying to figure out when I\’ll get a workout into my day and I think you\’re right–I may have to do it in the morning. I\’m toying with the idea of doing them at night after she\’s in bed, but that would be a huge change for me. You can adjust to anything though, right?
I'm struggling with the very same thing – except you are so lucky to have been able to stay home as long as you have! I have to go back after only 10 short weeks (only 1 week and 3 days away) with my Ben and I'm not ready either. I decided at the beginning of this week to change my perspective on the whole thing – I am not going to be away from my baby when he needs me. Instead I am leaving him in very capable hands and I am working to provide the kind of life that I want for him. I'm still very sad about it, but it helps to look at it from the perspective of what you are doing for your child rather than what you can't do for them anymore. Good Luck, Enjoy every minute of the next month with Caroline, she is beautiful!
That\’s a great way to think of it, Casey, thank you. Trust me, I know how fortunate I am to have been able to take 22 weeks for leave–I just can\’t believe how quickly it\’s gone! Best of luck to you in a week, I\’ll be thinking of you!
It's amazingly difficult I kid you not to leave your little one and work. I returned to work, I also had an amazing boss who saved my position for me, when my daughter was 5 months old. My husband opened a new business and we needed my income. I was fortunate though as my mom, daddy & grandma watched our daughter during the day. The first day was the most difficult. I thought for sure by the end of the day she wouldn't recognize me. Silly me! Guess what? Even though I wasn't home again until she was 3 I heard her first words da da & watched her walk her first steps. Amazing! I also wrote a letter to her every month at work until I left work when she was 3. I wrote about her words, walking, things we did, books we read together, etc. It's been such a wonderful compilation for my lovely daughter. Something you may want to consider. My lovely daughter is now 32. Many blessings!
Thank you, Barbara! I really like that idea of writing her a letter every month. In fact, we started doing something similar to that already! I know it\’s going to be hard, but it\’s good to hear that you had a positive experience. We\’re going to ask the nanny not to tell us when she does things for the first time so that when we see them happen it\’ll be the first time.
I won't lie. It's hard. It's really hard. But each day is a little bit easier than the previous one. After a while it's not about leaving her but about what you're missing. And then it's about what other people are doing for her that you think you should be the one doing. It never really stops, even when they grow older and more self-sufficient. But honestly, as long as you have a great person (or people) watching over her and nurturing her, she's going to be who she is meant to be — and that all comes from YOU and JEROMY and what you give her when you're with her. No care arrangement will ever take the place of mom and dad; but sometimes you get really lucky and you find someone who becomes family.
Thanks, Amadie! You just made me a little teary